Editor's Note: This story contains mention of self-harm. If you or someone you know is considering suicide or other acts of self-harm, please contact Colorado Crisis Services by calling 1-844-493-8255 or texting “TALK” to 38255 for free, confidential, and immediate support.
Former Democratic Rep. Yadira Caraveo is speaking more candidly than ever before about the mental health struggles she went through while trying to hold onto her swing seat last year, and why she is now contemplating another run for office.
Caraveo said one of her lowest points was an incident last February at her home in Thorton. She had hit a point where it was a struggle to get to sleep at night.
“There was one instance in which I took my usual sleeping pills and they didn't work. And so I took a couple of more and they didn't work and I took a couple of more and I was still awake and anxious,” Caraveo, a pediatrician, recalled. “I remember going online and — ever the doctor — looking up the dose that would land me in the intensive care unit and then taking just shy of that.”
“I had been talking to a staffer at the time about what my schedule was the following day. And I had texted her, ‘If I don't wake up tomorrow, tell everybody that I'm sorry.’ And so she ended up calling 9-1-1 and an ambulance came to my house.”
At the emergency room Caraveo was put on a mental health hold. Afterward, she started seeing a different psychiatrist and changed medications, but things did not get better.
“It felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. And so any challenge that came across the board really kind of felt like my head was getting dunked underwater,” she said.
Another bad moment came several weeks later, in April, as Caraveo was dealing with a painful foot injury. She took a handful of medication, this time around staff, as she went about her work back in the district.
“About an hour and a half later, [the] medication kicked in and an ambulance was called to my office (in Northglenn). I went to the emergency room and this time they discharged me directly home,” she recounted.
Caraveo returned to Washington D.C. and checked herself into Walter Reed hospital and got treatment for depression. Caraveo first spoke to CPR News about her mental health last August, but is sharing more now, as she considers running again for Congress next year.
“I haven't reached a final decision. I know that I feel like I still have work that can be done in the 8th District, and that I would like to continue to represent that community in some way, whether it's advocacy, whether it's in medicine, whether it is in politics,” she told CPR News.
Caraveo was the first person to represent Colorado’s new 8th District. The seat was drawn to be extremely competitive and she lost her reelection bid by 2,449 votes to Republican Gabe Evans. When it’s Evans’ turn to defend his seat next year, the race is expected to be one of the hardest fought in the country, as each party scrambles for control of the House.
Caraveo’s mental health could be an issue in a campaign. She knows there is a stigma around mental health treatment, especially for a job in Congress.
“That's exactly why I'm speaking out, so that I can be one more little chip on that wall of trying to take down the stereotypes and the stigma that exists around mental health care,” she said. “Even getting down into details that I feel uncomfortable sharing around suicidality and how dark things got.”
Sharing her experience also provides an example of how someone can have a high pressure job and also be able to tell people they’re struggling and getting help.
While she didn’t miss votes in the House until her hospitalization, Caraveo acknowledged missing events as she struggled with her depression. And she knows she has some trust to rebuild; her congressional office had a high rate of staff turnover during her two years.
She said part of that was the constant pressure of being a freshman office in a battleground seat. But she also acknowledged part of it was also her and what she was going through.
“Many times (my staffers) were the only ones that I felt like I could be open with and not pretend to be okay all the time, because that was the rest of my life — pretending that I was okay,” she explained. “I know that it placed undue pressure on them, and I've apologized to them many times. But also, (I) needed them to understand and acknowledge that it was an illness and that I couldn't completely control how I was reacting to that illness until I finally got help.”
Caraveo said she’s more aware of the warning signs — when she needs to step back and take a break or prioritize one-on-one conversations with people in her community versus, for example, fundraising. She said she understands her own needs better.
Despite the toll her first term took on her, Caraveo said she’s contemplating another run because serving people gives her joy.
“Having a backseat now and not being in the action and seeing the terrible changes that are going on in our country, it makes me want to go out and advocate for all of those kids that I saw in clinic, many of whom were on Medicaid, who are probably about to lose healthcare, and of the myriad of issues that our country is going through” she said. “I think my voice, especially now, given that I've had my own healthcare struggles, may be needed.”
Caraveo said she’ll decide whether to run or not in the next couple of weeks. If she gets into the race, she won’t be alone. State Rep. Manny Rutinel, who campaigned for Caraveo last fall, has already raised more than million dollars for his bid, and a couple of other Democrats are reportedly also considering entering the race.
Caraveo added, whether she decides to run or not, she wants to find a direction that will let her contribute to her community. “I know that [the path] will be giving service of some kind — whether it's a doctor, a policymaker, an advocate, or an elected official.”
If you need help, dial 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also reach the Colorado Crisis Services hotline at 1-844-493-8255 or text “TALK” to 38255 to speak with a trained counselor or professional. Counselors are also available at walk-in locations or online to chat.
