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All night, camped near a mountain stream, CMarie lies awake listening. She's hoping to hear a sound she hasn't heard in a long time: a wolf howl. And as she waits, she considers the ways each of us howls -- and how sometimes, when we don't, the silence aches.

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This episode takes place on Eastern Shoshone and Ute homelands.

Host and Writer: CMarie Fuhrman Field Recordist: Jacob Job Outdoor audio recorded in Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado Editor: Erin Jones Producers: Rebekah Romberg, Kibwe Cooper Engineer: Luis Antonio Perez Art: Maria Juliana Pinzón Executive Producer: Brad Turner Additional Editorial Support: Jo Erickson, Emily Williams Thanks also to Jodi Gersh, Clara Shelton, Arielle Wilson, Brittany Werges, Martin Skavish, Justin Peacock and Jon Pinnow

Terra Firma is a production of Colorado Public Radio's Audio Innovations Studio.

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&nbsp;...This time, to Mount Zirkel Wilderness, Colorado.

[Sound of running water] All sound passes through the thin skin of this tent. And the first is the chitter of the squirrel. I lie still. My sleeping bag tucked under my chin, and my stocking cap warm on my head. I stretch out my arm and pull our dog, Cisco, into my bag. He and my partner sigh in their sleep.&nbsp; It will be another hour before the sun reaches our tent, but through its open flaps, I watch as light spreads across the meadow (sound of running water, trickling and constant). We are camped in the seam where dense lodgepole meets meadow grass. The only sound, aside from squirrel chatter, comes from a slow, narrow stream running deep only a few feet away. That creek wouldn’t make a sound either, were it not for the old bridge that rotted and fell into it, making the gentlest of dams and a peaceful burble [babble of stream continues, and an owl hoots].

I have lain awake all night straining to hear through the dark. just as a child might, asking at every unnamable sound, “What was THAT?” But save for the whistle of an unknown nightbird and the chatter of what may have been a mink or weasel, I could name each sound the night spoke. Great horned owl and her ubiquitous who-whooing and the gentle patter of light rain on the tent, light rain on all the forest around us. How uncomplicated the night had been, and yet, I kept hoping, waiting, for another sound.&nbsp;

I wanted to hear the howl … of wolves.&nbsp;

I have tried to howl. A friend, a wolf advocate and expert, promises that if I get it right, wolves will howl back. But my voice in this night air would be awkward, my attempt unconvincing. I suppose I howl in a different way. On paper, with words. Sometimes my words speak truths that are hard for others to hear. A friend recently asked, “Are you ever afraid that what you write could bring harm to you or your family.” I answered her honestly. “Yes, I am. And I worry, too, that I might write something that will bring harm to other families.” And so there are, in me, stories I cannot tell. Wild stories. Or, if I do tell them, I might vary the location. Greatly. For what I love and want to protect often makes the very sound others may want to silence (the trickling and flowing stream continues to babble, as leaves rustle noisily in a constant breeze).

Wolves often use silence as protection. I suppose, for them, remaining quiet is best for survival. But for humans, what happens when the fear of others hearing us, of our voice exposing our truths, causes us harm? What happens when we silence ourselves for protection? My friend tells me of a family pack in the Idaho wilderness that will yip and cry all night to each other. I plan to go there in the fall and rehearse my howling in the meantime. He tells me it just takes practice and a little courage and others will join in. So I cup my hands around my mouth or place my pen between my fingers and trust that if I get it just right, I will hear the howls of others. If I keep trying, those whose fear has silenced them will find their courage, too. Will allow for their own wildness and others. There is safety in the number of others howling. Maybe you will try it, too. I’ll be here, listening, and ready to answer your wild call.

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Terra Firma is a podcast about the outdoors, the sounds of the natural world and our place in it. Each episode runs about 5-10 minutes and pairs reflections on nature with gorgeous soundscapes captured in wild places.

Terra Firma

All night, camped near a mountain stream, CMarie lies awake listening for the sound of wolves.

The Damning Silence (Mount Zirkel Wilderness, Colorado) | Colorado Public Radio

The Damning Silence (Mount Zirkel Wilderness, Colorado)

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The Damning Silence (Mount Zirkel Wilderness, Colorado)

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